Angry

I’m sorry to start this blog off with a bang but I woke up angry this morning.  And this is the one place I’m going to be real.  I didn’t call it Open Heart Tin for nothing.  (Heh that’s why I called it Open Heart Tin. I’m opening my cold,  heart-shaped tin…I’m opening my heart.) Anyways, I’m angry.  Why can’t I be sad?  See at first I was just sad.  Now I’m angry and sad.  Why does society not allow people to be sad???  Why do I have to pretend to be happy so that other people are comfortable?  That’s my issue.  That’s why I’m angry.  Somewhere down the line I learned to believe that sadness is something to  be hidden.  Weaknesses are to be hidden and sadness is a weakness.  But I also know, the more you push away a feeling and don’t acknowledge it, the longer it stays until it builds up and explodes.  Case in point.  I’ve gotten to the point where I’m ashamed of myself for feeling sad.  I don’t even tell people anymore because I’m not allowed to be sad.  So I’ve just learned to love myself when I’m sad because no one else will.

Maybe that’s the lesson.

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