The Answer to Happiness

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Happiness to me is having a peace of mind.  That is my ultimate goal in life.   And then helping others have a peace of mind.   One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind , Kate Winslet’s character, Clementine says “I’m just a fucked-up girl looking for my own peace of mind…”   Honestly haha, that sums my whole being up in a sentence.  This is how I feel: the key to a peace of mind is a happy soul.  The key to a happy soul IS  1. knowing that we have a soul…ARE a soul…and then 2. listening to what our soul wants (meditation, silencing the mind) and then DOING IT.  And then ta-da! You have a peace of mind.  

I used to think, all my life,  finding my soulmate…”true love”…was the key to happiness.  “Oh, once I meet him, the love of my life, he’ll love me and I’ll love him and we’ll be happy forever. Muah! Butterflies and cupcakes! And breezy fields.”  That’s my young self talking haha…before life hit me. Then I found my soulmate (I believe so, I truly believe so) and…I wasn’t happy.  It was because I wasn’t happy with myself.  We chase so much “stuff” to be happy.  Look at me, I was chasing people.  Trying to get worth and love and happiness from others.  Happiness and love are in US.  It’s already there.  We just have to heal ourselves, let go of the pain, well, ACKNOWLEDGE it first so that we can let it go and then we can be at peace.  We have to love ourselves.  Stop and realize that we’re not happy and take care of ourselves. That’s all our soul really wants.  We will never get to a peace of mind until we take the time to heal ourselves. And that may take years.  I was telling my sister-in-law, I’ve been on this self-healing journey for almost 3 years now.  I’m 31.  I’ve been running away from myself (unconsiously) for what 28 years???  Well, that’s a little untrue because I was a child and children need their parents for love .  But still…that’s a long time of not paying attention to my soul (hence the term “spiritual awakening”) and my unhappiness.  And looking to get worth and happiness from other people.  Twenty-eight years I’ve been running from myself! Not knowing my soul even existed! And that I am a soul.  I can’t spend some years, the rest of my life loving myself for once??

Meditation changed my life. Want a peace of mind?  Learn to meditate.  I promise it’s not just for monks and nuns in India.  There’s a reason they’re so at peace.  It will save your life.  It saved mine.  I’m a 31 year old female, been single for the past 3 years, only been with one guy (I think deep down I’m a commitmentphobe/love avoidant)  We don’t talk anymore (cue song).  He doesn’t do serious relationships, but apparently neither do I.  I have friends, but been a loner all my life.  I just quit my job in December as a massage therapist (originally retail worker), no job lined up.  I didn’t make much money. Not as a retail worker. Have debt up the butt.  I’m living at home.  I’ve had an anxiety disorder all my life (social and generalized, self-diagnosed, don’t have health insurance).  I’m a “slim jim”, “bean pole”, “stick” lol whatever you want to call me with acne scars on my face, glasses, and a gap.   My parents are divorced.  My childhood probably wasn’t the best.  I wish my family was closer. I’ve never met my biological father.  I say all this not for pity or to make anyone feel guilty but because 3 years ago I was depressed OUT OF MY MIND.  Ready to die because of all of this.  Wanting to just drive through an intersection and be hit and taken away.  And you want to know what saved me from that state of mind?  Meditating.  You don’t have to suffer.  You don’t have to run to addictions anymore.  You don’t have to run to alcohol or drugs anymore.  You don’t have to run to people, relationships, sex, shopping, cutting, work, food, you name it, whatever it is you run to, to escape pain, to escape yourself,  you don’t have to do it anymore.  I’m okay with all of this now.  I’m typing this and I’m okay with it.  

Three years ago I wanted to die. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, nothing was going the way I planned…but here I am!  Just start by taking care of yourself.  Love yourself.  Say no when you want to say no, if you want to lie in bed and watch movies all day  do that and feel okay with it, let go of people who don’t treat you right, take care of your body (something I need to work more on),  take yourself on a date….we have to love ourselves. Listen to what our soul wants. Our true self. And then do it.  And I think that’s the answer to happiness.   

By Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

    

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