I think one of the most important lessons I’ve learned through this whole experience is that when I feel like running away from myself/life…don’t.
Those days when you’re sad and you don’t know why. Or there’s this huge pit of hopelessness inside and you hate life and you don’t even know why you’re here. Or there’s all kinds of anger boiling up inside and you don’t want to deal with it. Or your anxiety is skyrocketing and you can’t think of anything else except all the chattering in your head. THOSE are the times when we run away. Well, I’ve learned not to. It hurts. It’s painful. But I’ve healed. It’s a ‘bleh’ feeling (understatement) that we don’t want to deal with. So what do we do? Everything under the sun BESIDES dealing with it. Drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex, go find someone to take our minds off of it, surf the internet, watch movies, eat, work, you name it. I would LITERALLY run away and move to another state. Also, my go to was people. Especially my ex when we were involved. Just because I didn’t want to deal with my anxiety. And the feelings, they were too much.
What I have found is that when you run away from those feelings (yourself) you are pretty much saying, “Self, you’re not important and I don’t love you.” When I was talking about this to my sister-in-law she said something that was true too, when our friends are sad we don’t ignore them and run away. Or when our significant other or children or a family member is sad, we don’t run away and ignore them. (Or do we…??) So why do we do that with ourselves? I think the key to healing is feeling what we don’t want to feel. Our souls will tell us what the problem is. We just have to learn to listen to it. And when you listen to your soul, show it attention, give it some love, be compassionate, then your soul is happy. And the message you’re giving to yourself now is “Self, you’re important and I love you.”
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin