MY ANXIETY THEN
I’m pretty confident meditation (and prayer) saved my life. If I had not learned to meditate, my mind would have convinced me to kill myself. It was already starting to which is why I had to find help. I went to a therapist originally, but I couldn’t afford it. So I began reading a lot of self-help books and anything spiritual and inspirational on the internet. I got a sign to start meditating and through the internet I learned to meditate. At the time (3 years ago), my anxiety was insane because of a breakup that shattered me. It still affects me, my anxiety, but it’s gotten better because I’ve learned how to control it.
MY ANXIETY NOW
Right now my anxiety is bad because I quit my job in December and I’m still unemployed. So my anxiety is skyrocketing. It’s many fears coming into play. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, I don’t know how my bills are going to get paid, I’m worried about what other people think of me (family/friends) and if they think I’m worthless now (that’s a big one). This is all my doing because I quit my job. But the thing is I don’t regret quitting my job because I was unhappy. I’m not unhappy now, I’m just stressed because I worry what everyone else thinks and I don’t know what to do. I’ll lose my car, I don’t care. I don’t want to go back to a 9 to 5 job being treated like a slave. I’m so sick of it. I’m tired and I don’t want to live like that anymore. Is that life? Who said that was life?
HOW MEDITATION HELPS
So that’s my mind state. I usually go outside/to nature and meditate, but if I can’t, like this morning, I turned on rain sounds on YouTube, put some pillows under my head and I lied on my bedroom floor face up, palms up, meditating, paying attention to my breath for about 20 minutes. I asked God what to do. And nothing came to me job-wise. The only thing that came to me was writing this post on meditation and anxiety, so that’s what I’m doing. Meditation helps me silence all the chatter in my head, all the anxiety, all the worries, and allows me to think from a clear space. And that’s why I strongly suggest meditating if you have anxiety that affects your life and stops you from being happy and living your life.
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin