Addicted

I know what it feels like to be addicted to someone.
It’s a drug.
I don’t think anyone intends on getting that way.
It just happens.
And before you know it,
there you are.
You try to let go,
and you know you should,
not just for their sake but your sake too.
But you can’t.
You become secretive because you don’t want others to judge you.
One. More. Hit.
“Hit” in our case, “love”, “connection”.
It hurts to let go and it hurts to stay.
Eventually though the staying hurts more than the letting go.
Letting go is a new journey.
Staying is death.
And you do everything to justify why your staying –
“It’ll get better”, “I’ll fix it”, “I’ll get it under control”.
But it never does, and you never do.
Letting go is scary,
it’s the “unknown”,
it might even be worse.
Well, it is scary.
It is the unknown.
And it’s hard at first.
But it gets better.
I’m still on that new journey.
I don’t know what ‘s going to happen next,
but I grab God’s hand,
and I take one step at a time,
one day at a time.
You probably wonder why God would make you
go through hell if he cared about you?
I wondered that sometimes too.
But looking back, I see,
it made me even stronger than I was before.
I know what it feels like to be addicted to someone.
It’s a drug.
You lose control.
You think you have it, but you don’t.
You’ve given up all power.
And you don’t even realize it.
Take care of yourself.  Heal.
You can’t have little “hits” every now and then
and expect to get better.
Just know you can live without them.
And you are never alone.
You’ve got family.
You’ve got friends.
You’ve got pets. (Don’t underestimate the pets)
You’ve got God. And the whole universe on your side.
You are Loved.
Remember that always.

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

More on relationship addiction: https://glynissherwood.com/relationship-addiction-what-it-is-how-to-get-over-it/

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