I think I’m going to start doing ‘stream of consciousness’ posts. I’ve done one already that I’ll post. One, it helps me have a peace of mind. I need to dump thoughts out. Normally though, I do this in my journal. Most mornings when I wake up, I go to the bathroom (tmi?), I grab my journal, get me something to drink, go outside (depending on the weather), and write. If I don’t do this, get all my thoughts out, I believe my brain would explode. Two, it might help people see how anxiety affects me (and possibly others). And why I meditate. Anxiety is something I live with. I don’t know if it will ever completely go away. I can learn to control it and not let it take over my life, but it’s with me. I can accept it or I can fight it. And fighting gets exhausting. I’ve read and experienced, when it comes to emotions, the more you push something away, the harder it pushes back. So if I try to pretend I don’t have anxiety, I don’t have all these thoughts, it will get louder and louder and louder in my mind until I acknowledge them. Anyway, I’m going to tell you now haha, forewarning, I do talk to myself in my mind. I ask and answer questions. So don’t be surprised. I’m a little excited, a little nervous.
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin