Trust & Patience

I decided I’m not going to take up that offer to schedule an interview.  I’m going to pass this opportunity up.  It’s not what I truly want.  The only reason I want this job is because of fear.  To calm my anxiety.  To have security.  A means to an end.  I know in my heart it’s not what I want to do.  And I’m tired of jobs being a means to an end.  When will my job be what I love?  Later?  Down the road?  I live as if I’m going to be alive forever.  I don’t want to put energy towards things that make me unhappy anymore.  I always say I want to help people, to write, to be in a serious relationship, yet I apply to jobs I don’t care for just because I need money and I chase people who don’t want to be in serious relationships.  If I want my life to change, I have to change.

I have trust issues.  Not just with people but with God too.  I’m learning to trust Him more and more everyday though.  I let go of my ex, even though I always believed we should be together,  I quit my job without another job in line (the past me would never do that), and now I’m trusting God to bring me a job opportunity or at least to guide me in what I should do.  Normally, I would be applying to all sorts of jobs.  I never trusted God, the Universe, to help me.  I tried to figure everything out myself.  I had to control everything.  Now I’m going to let God take control.  It scares me, but I will have to say, it’s much more peaceful.  What do I have to lose?

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

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