Who Am I?

I believe why this is so hard for me because I never realized how much my worth was dependent on things I have.  Who am I without a job, money, a friend/lover, my appearance, other’s love?  All those things have determined my worth.  I’m unemployed, I don’t have an income, I’m single, my appearance has always been dependent on money, and other’s love (or so I thought, I’m sorry), has always been dependent on what I have.  I have none of that now.  So who am I?

Well, I’ve learned to focus on what I do have.  I’ve learned that when we get in a depressed state it’s probably because we are focusing on what we don’t have.  I have a roof over my head.  I have food to eat.  I have friends who still want to hang out even though I have “nothing”.  My family for the most part is supportive.  I have God to talk to everyday.  (That’s something else I’ve become aware of – unconditional love.)  I’m breathing.  I’m alive.  I have dogs that come greet me and give me lovin’ every single morning whether I like it or not.  The sun is shining today. From that perspective, life is okay.  What’s wrong with the way things are right now?  There’s always something more I need before I can be happy.  I need a job.  I need money.  I need a boyfriend.  I need to look this way.  Have my hair this way.  Be this weight.  Wear this clothes.  Have a father.   Why can’t I be happy with the way things are right now?  Be happy without having a job, money, a boyfriend, looking a certain way, a father there?  I can.  There is nothing stopping me except my mind.  And that’s what I’m working on.

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

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