Fear of Loving You

We’re different.
Does that mean I have to push you away?
Does that mean I have to hate you?
Of course.
Then I won’t have to open my heart.
I won’t have to be vulnerable.
Be close.
Love.
Oh, no, I can’t do that.
I’ll risk getting hurt.
It’ll lead to pain.
I’ve had enough of that.
Loving you makes me uncomfortable.
You’ll see my weaknesses.
But I can’t say that.
I’d rather find fault in you.
I’d rather hate you.
I’d rather push you away.
Separate us.
It makes life easier,
living in my comfort zone.
Then I don’t have to deal with it.
My fear of loving you.
My fear of getting hurt.

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

 

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