Clouds and Hearts

This is a picture I took of a flower petal on my windshield a couple of years ago.  I always liked it because it has two things I love: clouds and hearts.  Nature and love.


Most of my life sadness and anger were two emotions I didn’t express.  They both pushed people away.  Sadness was seen as weak and anger would get you yelled at.
So I learned to suppress them.  The only time I expressed anger was when I couldn’t hold it in anymore.  And that usually ended up being quite ugly.  Writing has helped me express these emotions.

It’s not an easy thing to go all your life supressing your emotions and then all of a sudden expressing them.  It’s a slow process for me.  Something I’m still having trouble with.  Not necessarily expressing my emotions, but the response to expressing my emotions.  Sadness and anger got me pushed away for so long.  It’s hard to put myself out there.  Be vulnerable.  I’m an emotionally sensitive person , an empath, yet I felt I had to hide it.  I still till this day when I’m angry or sad, I isolate myself from everyone.  I’m still not comfortable.  Writing on here about sadness and anger and painful events and not being judged for what I write has helped me tremendously.  So to all my readers, thank you for the kindness.

I felt a lot of sadness and pain this morning when I woke up.  For all those children and their families in Manchester and just how much pain is in the world.
It hurts.  There are so many people hurting and then we go and hurt more people or ourselves.  It never ends.  And people say smile.  About what?  I can’t smile.  And then me crying about the Manchester bombing somehow triggered my own pain – how my ex just left and moved on like I didn’t even exist and my biological father did the same – so that made me cry even more.  Emotions are weird.  I can feel the pain.  To all those affected and all those hurting, I’m sending prayers, God Bless, you’re in my heart.  Choose love. We all have a choice to love others or hate them.

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

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