One Day At A Time

2017-06-05 09.25.37

This was in my fortune cookie.  It seemed appropriate.

I haven’t been writing much lately.  Honestly, I feel like crawling in a hole and being left alone.  Do you ever get tired of emotions?  And dealing with them?  I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

I quit my job about 6 months ago.  June 1st made it 6 months.  I don’t regret it because I know deep down I was unhappy.  I don’t like working for people because I don’t have freedom and I feel restricted.  I can’t imagine feeling that way all my life.  Also, I feel like I was just there.  My body was there, but my mind wasn’t.  There was no passion.  I can’t live like that.  So, in that sense, I don’t regret quitting.  But I’ve been facing a lot of fears and challenges this year.

Since I no longer have a job, or income, my phone was turned off, my car was repoed, I’ve had many arguments with family, some we aren’t even talking, my self-esteem plummeted, I fell into a depression, and call me stubborn, but I still refuse to go back to what I was doing.  I want to move forward.  Everyone says just get any job, but I don’t want that.  Do you know what I want?  My dream?  To live in a house, on the mountains, near water, with my dogs, writing.  That’s my dream.  That’s it.  I feel if I stay at any ol’ job, then I’m telling the world that is what I want, and it’s not.  So, I’m going to get back to writing.  I’ve been doing a lot of meditating and praying, reading and listening to music and walking.  Just taking it one day at a time because that’s all I know right now.  I still have supportive people around me, so I stay grateful for that.  I think I’m going to go for a walk now and get some air.

 

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

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