This was in my fortune cookie. It seemed appropriate.
I haven’t been writing much lately. Honestly, I feel like crawling in a hole and being left alone. Do you ever get tired of emotions? And dealing with them? I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.
I quit my job about 6 months ago. June 1st made it 6 months. I don’t regret it because I know deep down I was unhappy. I don’t like working for people because I don’t have freedom and I feel restricted. I can’t imagine feeling that way all my life. Also, I feel like I was just there. My body was there, but my mind wasn’t. There was no passion. I can’t live like that. So, in that sense, I don’t regret quitting. But I’ve been facing a lot of fears and challenges this year.
Since I no longer have a job, or income, my phone was turned off, my car was repoed, I’ve had many arguments with family, some we aren’t even talking, my self-esteem plummeted, I fell into a depression, and call me stubborn, but I still refuse to go back to what I was doing. I want to move forward. Everyone says just get any job, but I don’t want that. Do you know what I want? My dream? To live in a house, on the mountains, near water, with my dogs, writing. That’s my dream. That’s it. I feel if I stay at any ol’ job, then I’m telling the world that is what I want, and it’s not. So, I’m going to get back to writing. I’ve been doing a lot of meditating and praying, reading and listening to music and walking. Just taking it one day at a time because that’s all I know right now. I still have supportive people around me, so I stay grateful for that. I think I’m going to go for a walk now and get some air.
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin