Pet Sitting, My Brain, Gary Oldman, & Moving On

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So for the next week, it’ll be me, seven dogs (six Chihuahuas and a Sheltie), and two cats (no idea).  I’m pet sitting at my friend’s parent’s house.  I have nothing to do for an entire week except play with animals (and break up fights). ONE WHOLE WEEK to myself!  Do you think my brain will  allow me to enjoy it?  Of course not! Why would it.  Earlier today, I had this guilty feeling because I should be “doing something”.  You aren’t ruining this, BRAIN.  I’m relaxing.  Why am I always supposed to be “doing something” anyway?? I can relax.  I deserve to relax.  I’m about to binge watch Gary Oldman movies.  He’s my new crush.  Does anyone else do that?  Discover a new actor or actress or musician and just binge watch or listen to everything they’ve been involved with?

Overrall, I feel a whole lot better than I have been.  That’s a good thing.  I think I’m finally moving on from my past with the “break-up” and all.  It was hard for me to accept there was nothing I could do to change the situation.  Clearly.  It’s only been three years (kind of, sort of, it’s complicated) . You know one thing I’m really learning though is how important it is to be kind to yourself.  Not just with that situation, but with my job situation too.  You have to be kind to yourself.  Calling my self stupid and weak.  I’m not weak.  I’m not stupid.  I fell for someone who I thought wanted love.  Apparently, he didn’t.  And instead of letting go, I tried to make him love me.  Lesson learned.  Don’t do that. Love myself more and let go.  I still have anxiety though about what’s going to happen in the future.  That makes me nervous.  I just want some kind of stability.

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin



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