Reading that title I think, Duh! — be true to myself. But how many times have I done what others want me to do because I didn’t want to lose their love or their respect? How many of us are living the life others want us to live? The life our parents want us to live? Society? Our friends? Our significant other? How many of us are staying in a relationship that makes us unhappy? Or staying at a job that makes us unhappy? Working for people that make us unhappy? I’ve done all of it. Doing what others want because I didn’t want to lose their love. Now that I quit my job, I’m in the same predicament again. Be true to myself and lose others respect OR do what others want and lose my respect?
I get a lot of criticism and judgement for quitting my job. But you know what makes you feel extremely powerless? What made me feel extremely powerless? Living MY life the way others wanted me too because I thought I had no other choice. So I’m going to continue to be true to myself. I understand why people don’t support me, but I also have faith. Which is what I want more people to have. If I could change anything about this world, it’s for more people to have faith. As long as we don’t believe it, it’s not going to happen. BELIEVE it can happen. I always read about people who have had miracles happen to them and their stories always inspire me to keep going. Keep following my dreams. I was thinking about this when I was lying in bed this morning. It’s not always easy to do. To possibly lose people’s love especially the one’s you love. But you get tired of living your life for other people. I was pretty much telling myself, “Self…you’re not important.” What I feel is not important. So I said no more. I am important. My needs are important. And I’m going to do what makes me happy.
So here I am. At home. Living with my mom. Depending on her. Yeah, not exactly what I wanted. Not AT ALL what I want. But FAITH. I’ll probably end up going back to some job, while I work on my dream job on the side, but it’ll be because I want to, not because others want me too. See, there’s the doubt kicking in. Miracles can’t happen for me. Why? Because I’m not worthy enough. That’s when I have to tell myself, Sonja, you are worthy. That’s the conversations I have with myself EVERYDAY. I have to have faith in myself. As much as I want others to support me, to have faith in me, some have different beliefs and if I relied only on their support to do what I want in life, I’d never do what I want. I’d be living for them. Life is not long enough to be living for other people.
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin