Long story short, faith. I was thinking about this the other day. And by the other day, I mean one o’clock this morning. What scares people about being alone? I looked at my life and how deathly afraid I was of it. When my ex left, I honestly was too broken to be in another relationship. The amount of emotional chaos going on inside of me…I would never have put someone through that. I didn’t even know what was going on. Why would I want someone else in the picture? I had no energy for anyone else. Barely had it for myself. It’s three years later (I think it would have been sooner if I had completely cut contact then, but I didn’t) and I’m just now starting to be okay with being in a relationship again. So technically I was forced to be alone. I was forced to face my fear. But also deep down, that’s what my soul wanted. To not be dependent on anyone anymore.
What scares people about being alone? What scared me? What stops us from going into that territory? I made a list of four reasons why I did not want to be alone and how I dealt with them. This is what I experienced on my journey.
1.) Fear. Fear of uncertainty. Fear of death. Insecurity. The main reason I did not want to be alone. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Am I going to die? Because I feel like I’m dying. I have no security. I need security. I needed another person to protect me because I didn’t believe I could take care of myself. Fear is a mental thing. I wrote a post talking about it that you can check out if you want The Root of Anxiety. I had to work on changing my negative beliefs into positive beliefs. Something I’m still working on. I’m NOT going to die. Even though I feel like I’m going to die. Worst-case scenario, if I do die, I believe we go into the spirit world. But that’s not worst-case scenario, that’s best-case scenario, what am I talking about? That’s freedom. See how I changed it from a negative belief to a positive belief. But just because we say it in our mind, doesn’t mean we always believe it. It’s going to take some time to program that new way of thinking. I’m going to talk about it some more in my third point. Fear of uncertainty, that’s where faith comes in. I still don’t know what’s going to happen. But I trust God that whatever happens, I’ll be okay. I can handle it. God is with me and will always be with me. I am powerful.
2.) Love. We need love. I needed love. The second reason I did not want to be alone. We DO need love, but we don’t have to get it from others. Their love and support is something to be grateful for, but love from ourselves and God is enough. I learned to meditate and get in touch with my inner self. To listen to my intuition, my soul. When it’s quiet enough, you can hear it. When we listen to our soul and do what makes our soul happy, that’s love. Not shaming ourselves for feeling angry, sad, depressed, anxious, jealous, etc…that’s love. Getting a decent amount of sleep at night…that’s love. Feeding our body…that’s love. Exercising. Listening to our thoughts and changing them from negative to positive. Resting. Helping others. Forgiving ourselves. Forgiving others. Being kind to ourselves and others. That’s love. God is love. God is in us. That means we are love. That means we don’t need to look for it. It’s already in us. We can give ourselves love.
3.) The chaos inside. All the emotions. I did not want to face myself. The third reason I did not want to be alone. It ties in with the first reason. But this is not just dealing with fear, this is all the emotions. Emotions can be overwhelming. (Understatement.) As I mentioned before, I learned to meditate. Meditating is like sleeping (if sleeping is peaceful for you) except you’re awake. Do it for however long you need. But try not to rely on it to escape your problems. I caught myself doing that. I meditate when I need clarity.
When I was triggered in anyway, I would meditate and go inside and listen to what my emotions were telling me. When we’re angry, sad, depressed, jealous or anxious, our body is trying to talk to us. But if you’re like how I used to be, before I got slapped by life, I ignored my feelings. When I was sad, I’d push it away. Suck it up. When I was angry, I pretended like I wasn’t. When I was anxious, I tried to ignore it. That’s not self-love. Once I started acknowledging these emotions, acknowledging my anxiety, that’s when it started going away. All they wanted were to be acknowledged, felt, comforted, loved, and then they left. And also, we can feel emotions without acting on them. We’ll cry. We’ll shake. Well, I did. Body twitching. When you focus on the pain in your body or where you feel that emotion. Focus on that area. It’ll feel like pressure leaving your body. Because it is. Writing helps me express myself. Find some creative outlet to express yourself.
When I was feeling lonely, I’d go to God, family, friends, pets, myself. I ask myself what do I want? Listen to my intuition, and I’ll get an answer.
4.) No faith in myself. The fourth reason I did not want to be alone. I learned to have faith in God which helped me to have faith in myself. A lot easier said than done. When we’ve been betrayed, it’s hard to trust people again. Let alone a Higher Power I can’t even see. Honestly, I felt I had no choice. I hit rock bottom. I had no answers. So I talked to God everyday. And cried. Like I mentioned before, I learned to listen to my intuition, so I could hear myself and God. I would follow the guidance and my life got less chaotic. Inside was less chaotic. That’s when I really believed. Also, I saw angel numbers constantly, which if you are familiar with those, that’s the spirit world talking you.
But that’s how I overcame my fear of being alone. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Some days are good, some days are rough. It’s a journey. Myself and I are much closer though. I’m not so scary after all. I’m learning to not run away from myself anymore. I’m functioning on my own now. It’s freeing. If you have a fear of being alone, any fear really, and you want to overcome it, God is here. You don’t have to do it on your own.
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin