Can someone explain to me why wanting to be loved is wrong? Why it’s looked down upon? It just dawned on me. Here I am and I’m shaming myself for wanting to be loved. I know I may act like I don’t need love, but I do! It’s a cover up. A guard. A mask. I always believed since I was young wanting love made me weak and needy. When in truth, it was something I needed. I NEEDED love and I shamed myself for it. Not only when I was a kid, but all of my life. I wanted love from my parents. I wanted love from my brother. I wanted love from my ex. Yes, I needed to learn to love myself and not be overly dependent on them, but I also needed love from them and I was made to feel wrong for that. So I hardened up. I denied my feelings. I’m not blaming them. We all grew up in dysfunctional households. I’m sure they shamed themselves for wanting love too and were probably made to feel guilty. It’s a cycle. A cycle that needs to be broken.
When I see someone who wants love or attention, I think they’re weak, just like I do with myself. But they’re not! And I apologize for ever thinking that. For judging. It’s myself that needed healing. They want love. Why is that a bad thing? Why am I holding back love? If someone needs love, why not give it to them? I understand you have to have boundaries because people can drain you if they don’t know how to love themselves, but the idea that wanting love is a weakness? No. Balance. We need balance. Now I’m upset at myself for caring so much what others think all my life. The only reason I didn’t ask for love was because I didn’t want to come across as weak and be abandoned. But now that I’ve learned to love myself, I don’t give a damn if I come off as weak! Yes. I’m calling everyone out who thinks love is a weakness like I did for so long. Let that guard down! It’s a mask! You can talk to God! God can help us heal. It’s okay. You’re not weak. We all need love! Don’t hold it back anymore. Give love! But we have to start with ourselves first! I’m not going to feel bad for wanting to be loved anymore. And I’m not going to hold back love anymore. My love, God’s love, love from family and friends, love and support from you all, my readers (Thank You ❤ )…it has helped me heal. Love does heal. I feel like Bill Murray at the end of Scrooged when he’s giving that speech and “Put a Little Love In Your Heart” is playing haha. Love does heal. Even all the people who hurt me deeply this year because I wasn’t working, I honestly feel no anger toward them. That’s God’s grace. You can heal if you want to. Talk to God. ❤
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin