When it’s just you, your soul, and your brain alone for an entire year, you come to a lot of realizations. One of them being that that “soul mate” you’ve been waiting for your entire life is YOU. We give WAY too much power to other people. When will we see the power we have? When will we have faith in us? That we can heal. That we don’t have to suffer. I strongly believe that the whole purpose of a “soul mate” is to help us connect to our own soul. They mirror us. They help us see what we don’t see about ourselves.
Before I met my ex, about seven years ago, I was extremely disconnected from myself. I had know idea I had a soul. I did not pay attention to anything going on in my inner world. There was chaos inside (low self-worth, fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, envy, loneliness) but I ignored it. I thought it was supposed to be chaotic. That’s normal. That’s “home” for me. I’m finding that’s “home” for a lot of us. It’s not. Peace is home. But I’ve learned in order to heal, to have peace, we have to accept this chaos inside. Acknowledge it and be loving toward it. But don’t let it control us.
Everything I needed and did was OUTSIDE of me. The way I felt and reacted was because of other people OUTSIDE of me. They made me mad and so that’s why I’m going off. Not realizing that I could have gone away and calmed myself down. Love came from people OUTSIDE of me. As a child, yes, that makes sense. I couldn’t take care of myself as a baby, but as an adult, I can take care of myself. I can give myself the love I need. Happiness came from things and people OUTSIDE of me. A car will make me happy. A boyfriend will make me happy. A house will make me happy. Family and friends make me happy. Temporarily, yes. But forever, no. They won’t always be around. I never looked WITHIN for all of this. For love, for happiness, for peace. I didn’t know I could get all of this from myself. And I didn’t know that I had control of my emotions and my thoughts. They didn’t have to control me. 2017 I learned, everything I’ve been looking for, a peace of mind, connection, love, happiness, it’s been with me the entire time. Need a peace of mind? Meditate. Need connection? Meditate. Need love? Meditate. Want to learn how to not let your emotions and thoughts control you? Meditate.
Want to learn to trust and have faith? Let go of something you’re attached to.
A little something that came to me this morning. I hope everyone is well! Happy New Year! I’m not too big on resolutions. I would like to keep writing and work on my relationships with myself and others. I take it one day at a time. But if you’re looking for guidance, go within and trust that when the time is right for anything, you will know. It will come to you. ❤
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin