Forcing Others To Be Loving

I struggle with this.  It’s a problem I’ve always had.  I force others to be loving.  If they want to be hateful, angry, live in fear and chaos, why don’t I just let them be?  I think because deep down I know they’re suffering, I know they’re hurting, and I don’t want them too.  How can I see people suffering and not help them?  It’s my responsibility to help them.  I’ve been there, I know what it feels like, I’m still healing from it, and it’s not fun.  It’s a heavy weight that you carry that suffocates you.  Ever since I’ve turned to God and myself and self-love, there’s more peace inside.  I want everyone to feel that.  To not let their fear control them.  So I force people to be loving.  To choose love.  When I need to let them be.  I can only control myself.

If they don’t want to be loving, then I need to give them space…freedom…to be themselves.  Love them from a distance.  I can bring awareness to what they’re doing, but if they don’t want to change, I can’t force them.  I was that way with my dad and my ex and co-workers.  I’m that way with friends and family.  One of the things my ex always said was I always tell him what to do and how to be.  And I did.  It’s something I regret.  Instead, if I couldn’t live with how he was, I should have let go a long time ago.

I don’t want people to suffer.  I don’t want people to hurt.  And if they’re doing things that I believe are causing them to suffer, I try and force them to change.  I can’t “love” them the way they are because the way they are hurts themselves, me, and others.  So what do you do?

This is what came to me as I asked that question —- Pray for them.  Let God control it.  Give them space.  That’s also love.

See, I tell you.  Ask and the answer is within.


-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

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