I struggle with this. It’s a problem I’ve always had. I force others to be loving. If they want to be hateful, angry, live in fear and chaos, why don’t I just let them be? I think because deep down I know they’re suffering, I know they’re hurting, and I don’t want them too. How can I see people suffering and not help them? It’s my responsibility to help them. I’ve been there, I know what it feels like, I’m still healing from it, and it’s not fun. It’s a heavy weight that you carry that suffocates you. Ever since I’ve turned to God and myself and self-love, there’s more peace inside. I want everyone to feel that. To not let their fear control them. So I force people to be loving. To choose love. When I need to let them be. I can only control myself.
If they don’t want to be loving, then I need to give them space…freedom…to be themselves. Love them from a distance. I can bring awareness to what they’re doing, but if they don’t want to change, I can’t force them. I was that way with my dad and my ex and co-workers. I’m that way with friends and family. One of the things my ex always said was I always tell him what to do and how to be. And I did. It’s something I regret. Instead, if I couldn’t live with how he was, I should have let go a long time ago.
I don’t want people to suffer. I don’t want people to hurt. And if they’re doing things that I believe are causing them to suffer, I try and force them to change. I can’t “love” them the way they are because the way they are hurts themselves, me, and others. So what do you do?
This is what came to me as I asked that question —- Pray for them. Let God control it. Give them space. That’s also love.
See, I tell you. Ask and the answer is within.
-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin