Forgiving Ourselves

I Forgive You

I needed your safety, your comfort, your support.
Someone I knew I could go to when
I couldn’t handle the pain from the outside world.
Someone to listen and tell me it was going to be okay.
I needed that.
To not be pushed away or judged when I was sad,
when I was angry,
when I was hurt.
I needed to not be afraid to come to you,
to speak up,
to not expect more pain.
I needed you to care.
To ask how my day was.
To smile more when you saw me.
To celebrate when I was happy.
To do things I enjoyed doing —
To feel loved.
I needed that.
I was a kid.
I needed that.

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

This is an older poem I originally wrote speaking as a child to my father, but the more I read it, the more it feels like my inner child, my inner self, my soul talking to me.  I was so hard on myself when I was younger.  I felt I needed to be perfect.  Society’s “perfect”.  I abandoned myself and what I wanted most of my life.  I lived to please others and I never went within to see how I felt.  I hated myself and I shamed myself constantly for being afraid, anxious, shy, too skinny, not good enough.  But that was the younger me.  I’ve forgiven myself for it.  A lot of it was out of survival and I was unaware.

The inner child within all of us just wants to be loved and accepted by us.

“I think I – we, as humans – put unnecessary pressures on ourselves to live this ideal, in order to be accepted in the world, when all we really need is to accept ourselves.” – from an older poem I wrote called Thank You.

Just a reminder to make sure we’re all being our own “shelter from the storm”.  It’s home.

-Sonja Jackson, OpenHeartTin

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